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kd2188
19 February 2011 @ 12:59 pm
I just realized that it has been five years, five years since everything changed and I started a new chapter in my life. I graduated high school. I began a new chapter in my ever changing life. I remember that last semester as a time filled with fear, anxiety, and saddness. It wasn't all from school though, it was from family, life, and well school. I really can't believe that I would have the future I have now. I wanted to travel, go to an out of state college, and maybe join the military. Didn't do any of that. I had sick parents. Who would take care of them. As of now, I feel selfish. I feel as if I am grown enough that I should go out on my own and do the things that I want to do. If only I could unlatch the need to take care of my family. Five years...I don't even know if I have grown as a human. I just know that if I am to have the life I  want, I need to stop taking care of others and start taking care of me.
 
 
Current Location: Life
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
kd2188
07 February 2011 @ 11:46 pm
 I haven' been on here in a long time! However, I am trying to get into the hang of writing again, so when i start graduate school I won't be a fish out of fresh water. Let's see...I really don't know what to write about. Nothing has been happening in my life that is worth telling about. Well, at work I am still unhappy. Unhappy, in that I definitely know what I want to do in my life and that is to not be a receptionist. I have some cool people, some people I would rather not know. Working in the car business lets you see the shady side of people. The horrible side of Las Vegas, gambling. I was under the impression that car salesman were greasy smooth talkers and I was right. There are a few who are not like that, out to make a buck off of unsuspecting people, they are nice and kind. To the untrained eye, but I know to watch my back with them and everyone else. That's sad that I have become so jaded that I can't even trust the people I work with. At my old job, I could trust people not to completely throw me under the bus, not there. I can't say everyone isn't awesome, I would be lying. Take Anthony, Chris, Branden, and John the porter. They are cool peeps. Anthony is super nice, Chris is totally hot (will tell in a bit), Brandon is a Hoot, and John the porter have understanding. Working the night shift sucks!

Okay, so Chris gets a whole paragraph to himself. He is so sweet, nbice, cute, and smart, as well as completely unavailable to me. I just don't know what to say. We have fun conversations with each other when I am filing in the service area. We even have a day to day routine, as follows: I go to him, say "hi", and he says " How you doin' baby girl", and we high five each other. He is older than I, but we can never tell. I know we check each other out, but we work together. Working together and having a relationship is just not smart. I like Chris. End of story. I will get over it and I will eventually get a new job! Yes!

Anyway, other than work, nothing has been happening in my life, except Tumblr. I love that sight! That is the reason I am not even on this blog that much. I like to write, but I like to post pictures, quotes, and random thoughts without explanations. I will see if my posting on here will last. We will see. 
 
 
Current Location: Kitchen
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: The Band Perry
 
 
kd2188
07 August 2010 @ 11:03 pm
I have been so busy on my Tumblr that I have practically abandoned my live journal. I love the site! I feel that I can post anything I want that isn't writing. This blog to me on live journal is dedicated to writing and nothing else, so I don't write as much. My life is pretty lame, so writing about my life just seems...well lame. Any how, I will keep this blog, because school will be starting once again for me and I need to vent my frustration. Since this blog is connected to my Tumblr, I am killing two birds with one stone.
 
 
Current Location: Kitchen-again
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Nothing
 
 
kd2188
11 July 2010 @ 09:05 pm
So far this summer has been going well. I have gotten two A's and one B so far in these past summer sessions and I am now in session 3. Lucky me! Really the classes are not so bad. I just have to get going on the independent study. I am such an idiot that I am glad I actually laid out my outline on what I am going to write and the whole process becomes less stressful and consuming. So the school front is almost completed, the job front still waiting. I have applied to several places and I am glad that I have been able to get interviews, still I have more experience than most and yet more of my friends are getting jobs! What is up with that.

I am still looking for options and when ever I feel that I finally got an answer, I get conflicting thoughts from people around me. I know that I want a career, I am just scared and looking for a reason not to do something with my life. Like right now I am stressed about this independent study. It has to be 15 to 20 pages, of which I do not have. I am glad I don't need a lot of sources, but I already have a lot. Anyway, I am scared to fail and am scared to start something on my own. In high school I used to be the one that would jump at the chance to prove myself, now I practically have to be talked into it. I hate it. I am slowly coming into my own, decision wise and I will be glad when I can say I don't have to ask people for their thoughts on what to do in my life!

Looking back on these past couple of months, I am proud to say that I have made progress in my life. I just have to stop being so lazy and start looking for my USB. Lol  I can't do my paper for my independent study without it! So I will do that right now...after this entry.
 
 
Current Location: Home-Kitchen
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Nothing
 
 
kd2188
24 June 2010 @ 11:43 am
I have always loved the Quote "I feel Infinite" from Perks of being a Wallflower ( One of my top books to read). It has always been a quote that I have often tried to live up to feeling of infinite and to no avail did I manage that feeling. I have often felt the need to prove myself to others and myself just to show that feeling of overwheling emotion of elation and success. I didn't get there. I want to get to that feeling and I want to stop procrastinating or even writing about so I can honestly say I am Infinite to one and all.
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Current Location: School
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: Jazz
 
 
 
kd2188
19 June 2010 @ 01:53 pm
I have seen the light and he is in the Army! I was Facebook creeping on my friends wall post when I saw him. I noticed the green striped shirt and the sweet smile, I knew he was out of my league but I had to appease my curiosity. Well I looked at some of his pictures and was delighted to see that not only was in the Army, but a West Point graduate! How cool is that? I looked through all nine photo albums ( another point for him, I like someone who isn't afraid to take really nice photos of himself AND his friends.) He has traveled to some of my favorite places: Disneyland and Las Vegas. To great places, depending on the seasons. I was so enamored that I remembered that I didn't know the guy and I was creeping on his photos, can you say stalker! I can! STALKER! Well I took a break and regained my composure and realized that I need to know guy not by his looks, photos, or his job, but by his personality and crap like that. Really I just needed to reassess the situation and ask my friend RiLeigh what the deal was with her friend without seeming stalkerish. I have to wait and contemplate that, I still have the confidence issue with guys: My hair and body issues are coming to form as I get older. It's a lame excuse, but it's my feelings,not anyone else. BUT! He is so cute and I hope I can at least ask about the guy with out seeming like a loser. He may just have a girlfriend and not be in to girls like me...Darn my obsession with men!
 
 
Current Location: School
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Jennifer Paige-Crush
 
 
kd2188
24 April 2010 @ 11:11 am
I have offically registered for classes, although I am still waiting to hear from the other schools I am applyinh to...you know for back up plans. At least I am registered. Also I am finished with all the assignments I had to do for all of my classes. I am on my way to the summer and I can not wait until that happens! Right now I am just having a great time doing my job and getting ready for graduation.
 
 
Current Mood: lazylazy
 
 
kd2188
I am completely lame when it comes to celebrating my birthday...I don't even want to go out to any place that signifies that it's my birthday...I just want to finish everything so I can say "I am done! Leave me be...for at least a day". Wishing would do better than hoping, since I will not be finished with anything until next Friday. Bleh!
 
 
Current Mood: My Birthday!
Current Music: AIR...aww...
 
 
kd2188
20 April 2010 @ 10:34 pm
I am so over school, it has just been so much course work that I feel, I will regurigitate everything I learn by the end of finals week. I just want to rest for at one week with no homework, no deadlines, and no work. Then again I would be bored wondering and wishing that I was back in school. Anywho, at least I am graduating and applying to schools for this fall, I am still worried about the money and work issue, but I just have to stay calm through out all of the crap and focus on the prize: An education.

We had our Court of Honor and Banquet...Finally. After nine weeks, everything came together into a really wonderful weekend with my brothers. At times I really do know who are my true friends, then other times I feel like an outsider trying to fit in. I am just going to remember the good times I had with Alpha Kappa Psi and just keep everything in mind. The Court of Honor is not allowed to be discussed, just know that it went off with out a hitch. The banquet was another story. Since mom and Tommy were not speaking (He left) I was with out a ride to school as well as the banquet site. So I decide I need to get clothes the day of (Mistake #1). I wake up late (Around 11am--need to be out of the house and the store by 2pm) . So I decide I will just leave at my usual time two hours early, the bus driver decides to stop working due to "Legalities" of someone falling down on the bus. The dude was drunk and he left the bus! Anyway, this puts me behind schedule by 1hr, I had to text Lexy telling her I was going to be late. I didn't explain that I still needed to buy clothes for the banquet at Target (Mistake #2). So I am waiting for the dumb driver to start, when we are informed that the bus is no longer in service. So now I am waiting on the next bus to come, that bus was the slowest vehicle in the continental US. Took him five hours to get one block to flippin Sahara! So fast foward 45mins and I am in Targer, frustrated that I had to have stupid stretch marks on my arms, because looking for a dress has become an obsacle that literally took my twenty minutes just to say to hell with it and buy slacks and a blouse. So fast foward past the power walking down Maryland Parkway and through the courtyard at UNLV and I am finally at the Chapter Meeting. 30 mins late. Yep! Way late...I guess it was party my fault, but I am still going to lean towards blaming the bus driver. Well the banquet was a banquet. I won Outstanding Brotherhood. Very excited over that. My status of active went to alumni status and was very luck y to actually get food. However, there aer times when I fell like I have a close relationship with my brothers and then there are times when I feel like an outsider. I guess I am just going to remember all the good times I had as a brother and not mull over those feelings of being an outcast. I will just remember...
 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: Janet Jackson-Let's Wait Awhile
 
 
kd2188
14 April 2010 @ 10:43 pm
I am excited to say the Glee has returned! I am nolonger forced to entertain myself for the next couple of months, super stoked. Anywho after having an embarrassing meltdown on Sunday, I am now ready to get out this school and start my future. Of course I still must try and get a job...that is becoming so hard! AS of right now i am just focusing on finishing school and completeing my classes accordingly. It will eventually be better, then again summer school is fast approaching, I still have to sign up for an overload. Eeek. I can't beleive I signed for five classes...I am so loco! Well since i am writing this as night, I will head to be...night.
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Current Location: In bed...yo!
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Sia-new album in stores June 2010